I'm sitting down and writing tonight without a specific topic in mind. I have a mind full of thoughts and I guess I'm hoping to give the wheels in there a little relief. Today was sunday and for anyone who has taken three small children to church knows what I mean when I say "I survived"! They are actually getting better, though. They still need more work on using their quiet voices, but I'll keep working on it. It felt so nice to be there. We've had almost a whole month off. We spent the last two sundays traveling back from Idaho Falls, and the sunday prior to that was stake conference... only we didn't know about it, so we showed up to an empty parking lot. I love that all the kids go to classes now too. It makes it that much easier to try to converse with adults, and to try to feel the spirit. Gabe will be in primary in January, I can't believe he's that big. People always tell you they grow up sooo fast. I think, when you're cleaning up the entire bottle of chicken seasoning from off the living room rug, or you have a little boy screaming from the bathroom for you to wipe him, or every 3 seconds someone is telling you they got hit... it doesn't seem fast enough, but then one day you have kids big enough to make you promises, offer to help vacuum, and play games with you. It really does happen so fast.
On another note, I have been really struggling with a new battle in my life that I know I have to fight and conquer. I hate being alone (kids not counted). I miss begininng and ending the day with someone I love. I know it will happen again, but for now, its difficult for me to reflect inward as I need to. I have so much I need to work on as a person. This is such a great opportunity to do it. I just hope I'm up to the challenge. Sometimes it can seem like the task is too daunting. I'd much rather give that attention to someone else. hee hee. I'm gonna make some goals and hopefully by writing them down I can hold myself to them.
GOAL #1 I want to enroll in school by next summer. (I'd do it sooner, but I have to make sure I have some tax stuff is in order so I can get grants)
GOAL #2 I want to learn to budget my money better.
GOAL #3 I want to find a couple hobbies that entertain my time outside of the kids.
GOAL #4 I want to get my kids medical and dental things taken care of. That means all caught up on shots, teeth checks, all of it.
GOAL #5 I want to love myself like I love others!!!
GOAL #6 I want to be able to attend the temple monthly at least, again.
I guess thats a good place to start. I'm sure there are more, but at least that gives me some things to shoot for. Now, onward and upward!!!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Wall-e the Hamster
About a year ago we bought this cute little dwarf hamster. We brought it home and settled it into it's little cage. Two weeks later the hamster we thought was a boy had 5 babies! I googled how to take care of them and eventually became more endeared to the babies then I was to the mother whom we'd just begun to tame. I kept the two boy hamsters and sold or gave away the other 4 (the mother included). The one was named Wall-e and the other Hercules. (Thank heavens for Disney movies or our pets would lack good names.) Hercules had a mishap and returned to Hamster heaven a few months ago but Wall-e is still with us.
With that background painted allow me to proceed with my topic. I sat here this evening looking at my house that looks like the remains of tornado wreckage and began to wonder when things would be less complicated. This led me to wonder if its the circumstances that lead me to survive rather than to thrive, or if its just me. I looked up at my little hamster in his cage and came to a conclusion. I have been meaning to replace the shavings in his cage for a week now and somehow it falls between the cracks. Once, I even got up there to take down his cage and clean it and I realized he had a ton of his food stashed under those shavings. I quickly allowed myself to slide out of the responsibility and excused it by claiming the best interest of the hamster and his winter supply. So tonight as I started to shut down everything for the night and said goodnight to my little hamster, I realized that maybe things arent' perfect right now but there's alot of love in this house. Maybe Wall-e doesn't live in a fresh shavings environment but he is one loved hamster. I sneak him fruit and cheese and veggies whenever I can and he's not as dwarf-like as I'm betting all his sisters are (where ever they may be).
I think, no better yet, I hope and pray that it is enough for my children, as well, to be in such a place. Maybe this house is rarely clean, and maybe we have chocolate chip pancakes for dinner occasionally, and maybe we watch more movies than we should some days; but hopefully when I tuck them into bed individually each night, and say prayers individually with them each night, and hug and kiss them as much as I can all day and again at night, and hold them when they are sick or scared, and keep them safe from the things of the world, then hopefully, I have done enough. Hopefully LOVE will help us travel across that bridge from the land of surviving to a land of thriving.
With that background painted allow me to proceed with my topic. I sat here this evening looking at my house that looks like the remains of tornado wreckage and began to wonder when things would be less complicated. This led me to wonder if its the circumstances that lead me to survive rather than to thrive, or if its just me. I looked up at my little hamster in his cage and came to a conclusion. I have been meaning to replace the shavings in his cage for a week now and somehow it falls between the cracks. Once, I even got up there to take down his cage and clean it and I realized he had a ton of his food stashed under those shavings. I quickly allowed myself to slide out of the responsibility and excused it by claiming the best interest of the hamster and his winter supply. So tonight as I started to shut down everything for the night and said goodnight to my little hamster, I realized that maybe things arent' perfect right now but there's alot of love in this house. Maybe Wall-e doesn't live in a fresh shavings environment but he is one loved hamster. I sneak him fruit and cheese and veggies whenever I can and he's not as dwarf-like as I'm betting all his sisters are (where ever they may be).
I think, no better yet, I hope and pray that it is enough for my children, as well, to be in such a place. Maybe this house is rarely clean, and maybe we have chocolate chip pancakes for dinner occasionally, and maybe we watch more movies than we should some days; but hopefully when I tuck them into bed individually each night, and say prayers individually with them each night, and hug and kiss them as much as I can all day and again at night, and hold them when they are sick or scared, and keep them safe from the things of the world, then hopefully, I have done enough. Hopefully LOVE will help us travel across that bridge from the land of surviving to a land of thriving.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
To Be Single Again...
There is a very big difference between dating when you're young and single and dating when you're older and have kids! I had an experience recently that made this point quite clearly. Allow me to paint a picture. I had my ex husband coming into town to spend the day with the kids and I knew I'd be able to go out on my own. This doesn't happen very often so I took the opportunity to get all dolled up. Despite the recent addition to my hips and thighs I was feeling pretty good. I had put on a nice shirt that was actually feminine and wasn't covered in yesterdays handprints, and a pair of jeans that, though tighter than they used to be, made me feel maybe even a little sexy. I wore black heels and put some curls in my long hair.
As I was out on my adventure for the day I stopped by my cousins work. She works for a clothing store and they always have the cutest fashions there. I usually feel a little out of place in my preferred jeans and tshirt style, but on this day I had a little swing in my hips again as I walked. Upon leaving the store, I could've sworn a few heads even turned in my direction. Man, I was feeling hot. I crossed the parking lot and traffic was even stopping for me (okay, so maybe it wasn't that dramatic, but you get the idea). I strode up to my sleek silver minivan, and climbed in the seat. I sat there for a moment wondering what that bizarre smell was coming from the back and made a mental note to clean out the car and headed out of the lot.
Now, I was never a beauty queen, and I think I've embraced my feminity much more these days than I used to, but really??? I recommend doing things right the first time. And if for some reason someone were to end up in my shoes... enjoy every step. Its not every day you get to laugh at your own story.
As I was out on my adventure for the day I stopped by my cousins work. She works for a clothing store and they always have the cutest fashions there. I usually feel a little out of place in my preferred jeans and tshirt style, but on this day I had a little swing in my hips again as I walked. Upon leaving the store, I could've sworn a few heads even turned in my direction. Man, I was feeling hot. I crossed the parking lot and traffic was even stopping for me (okay, so maybe it wasn't that dramatic, but you get the idea). I strode up to my sleek silver minivan, and climbed in the seat. I sat there for a moment wondering what that bizarre smell was coming from the back and made a mental note to clean out the car and headed out of the lot.
Now, I was never a beauty queen, and I think I've embraced my feminity much more these days than I used to, but really??? I recommend doing things right the first time. And if for some reason someone were to end up in my shoes... enjoy every step. Its not every day you get to laugh at your own story.
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