A day like today...

I don't know what it is about scrubbing your childs poop off the carpet that causes an emotional breakdown, but it never fails, tears usually accompany the process. Maybe its the feeling that this is what your life has come to, or to know that its very possibly normal for a potty training child and nonetheless disgusting, or maybe its because women who work in high heels and drive shiny cars and make lots of money NEVER have to clean up poop!!

Alright, alright, so maybe the grass only looks greener on the other side. Maybe I'm only seeing the glass half empty, but after a day like today, I'm not sure someone didn't come along and drink my other half.

Today was my first day home from spending a week and a half at my parents house surrounded by friends and family. Let me give you an example of what it kind of felt like. You know when you have a small child that plays so well alone, maybe you've worked really hard to get to this point, but he/she is finally playing with the toys you laid out and not screaming at you constantly. Well, then you spend the holidays with family and everyone holds him/her and by the time you get home you can't get anything done! Well, that little whiner is me today.

The realization of how lonely I am here set in pretty good today. No little cousins occupied my kids, no parents or siblings asked me if I wanted to play games or take a nap or just talk. Instead, I let the kids tear the house apart for the first part of the day while I used a gift card to download music, then I spent the second half of the day frustrated with my messy kids and messy house. My poor children!
I was trying to make dinner this evening with 4 kids whining and crying at me. Then, one of my boys dropped a toy on my foot while standing underfoot and crying, and the knot and bruise is there to remind me of what a wonderful day it wasn't. I almost burned dinner, while cleaning up a box of blocks for the 17th time. Then I smelled something awful. My youngest has been struggling with loose bowells and his poor bum was looking a litte raw. He's just turned 2 and I thought I'd let him run around bare bummed for a little bit and work on the potty training I've been avoiding... oops! Loose bowells and naked bums do not go well together, just for the record!!!! And to top it all off bedtime routine was shot due to the invasion of vacation rules.
I'll be sure to pray for more patience, energy, kindness and less chaos, fighting, and aggravation for tomorrow!!!

P.S. New years Eve is day after tomorrow... my excess of children and lack of social plans is a bit disheartening. ugh!

Christmas plans

A while back I came to the realization that I'm gonna have to lose the kids for some of the holidays. Coming from a VERY family oriented background you can only pretend to imagine my devastation on this topic. I cried, no sobbed for over an hour at the very thought of waking up Christmas morning and being alone, or being with extended family and watching them enjoy their children and me not having mine. I'm sure that my over-active imagination played up the scenario a bit but nonetheless it was a tramatic realization. So, after coming to grips with what was going to inevitably happen, I came up with the plan that if my ex husband and I could just get along and play nice for the last few holidays of the year, I wouldn't have to lose the kids for a christmas for two years. So we tried... and we failed. We made it through Halloween, and by the time Thanksgiving was over we both were "locked and loaded" per say.

Christmas next year will be so hard on me... but at least I have a year to prepare myself.